I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he fucked my hip out of place.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
