Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
