dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
