I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
