If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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