no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
