the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
