Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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