dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
