I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
