Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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