Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
