I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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