So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
im on a boat
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