just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
