He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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