Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
