another moral hangover. fuck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
