Just cropdusted the office
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
