do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
