apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
