Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
