Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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