If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
