Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
