I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
