please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
