"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
