you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
