peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
