I just cut my nipple shaving
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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