Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
