You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
