had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
