Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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