Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
