I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
