She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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