it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just threw up on my dentist
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize