He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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