one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
