conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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