I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
