I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
