so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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