Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
