My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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