Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
