i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
