My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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