it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
