from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
