just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
