i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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